That's It!!

Life 'would have' been simpler if there were no 'ifs' and no 'if onlys' coming your way after every little decision you took.

I DoN't KnOW!

Strange is this life... 

strange is why we go back 

to the times that have gone...

times that would never come again...

To just think and smile wide..

To just think and let down a tear...

Silly indeed.

or beautiful??

like a time gadget..

a quick view into what HAD been...

Past is to forget 

present is to live in..

and future is to look up to...

How do I believe??

I look up to the past...

if only ..

future would have been similar...

I end..

I DOn't Know

I'm Happy

or I'm not..

Life is Strange..

Strange indeed...

Ummm... hmmmm Part 2

Two Insights....

• You trust someone not because you are stupid but because you choose to put aside all your reason and just believe in the love you have for that person.
• In hard times it becomes important to think about the good times you've had. It keeps you going. 

Hmmmm....

Umm.. Hmm..

Lot of things have been going on my mind since long. I'd like to just write them down. That's all I'm planning to do in this post.

1. Passions that last for a short while are often of uniform intensity. The ones that stay for years and years come with the spikes in the graph and a lot of patience to stick through the plateau period.
2. The definition of love is still a subject of research.
3. I wonder with the advancing age do people accumulate hatred in their systems.
4. The ones that you give to are usually not the ones you receive from.
5. The sudden love you feel towards someone could be because of your guilt as well.
6. People who do, don't speak. And people who don't do either ignore you or speak a lot of good.
7. In the hands of parents and teachers vest the power to make a human being what he/she really is. Friends can't change you permanently. They deviate you to good or to bad.
8. I can't take people who try to prove themselves to be good at everything. May be I just can't believe that such people do exist. DO THEY?
9. I tend to catch up with the issues with someone's character and then feel like a cruel step mom who questions her step children's vices. Be it vices or virtues. Cynical I've become towards a lot of people and things.
10. Adopting not your husbands name but your dad's is a good step. But I wonder why not take your mom's name as well or no surname at all (like me).
11. Contradicting point 9 I also sometimes feel it's not right of me to blame myself when I think wrong of someone. I could be right. That person could be ridiculous.
12. Hmmmmm. Dedicating the last point to the quest "So what ya Think?"

I, Then and Now!

I was a tender being

soft and serene

calm and happy

Then came the first bruise

I cried, it pained..

I thought this is the end

I'm finished..

I survived through...

bravely sharing my strength with others

ridiculing them for being so soft

..and then one day, day after day

cuts, hurt, tears, pains, aches ah!

I survived yet again.

I'm the courage. 

I'm the strength.

And today, I stand STRONG.

Dare you DEFEAT me.

Dare you let a TEAR fall off my eyes.

...but I doubt GOODNESS.

I doubt every SELFLESS move.

I shouldn't get cheated after all. 

I stand "STRONG".

I stand strong..

SIGH!!

That's what most of us have become. We are afraid to expect. We're afraid to believe. 

What to do. That's how the circumstances are.

I shared what I wrote with my dad. After he finished reading he told me that  in today's world it's not wrong to doubt people. But then when you doubt people about their good intentions and you feel people who're trying to present themselves as selfless before you could be selfish you should also try to realize that there do exist people who'll not bother about being depicted as selfish in the eyes of the world even when they are very selfless.

There's a point in that.

Be it not before the world but your mother could be the best example of that.

Love :)

 

 

Are you Insecure?

What gives rise to insecurity?

I've been wondering about it since a long long time.
I always thought insecurity is because you have something lacking in you. It might be.
But then who has everything? Or I should say who doesn't lack anything?
We often blame ourselves for being insecure.
We accept that something is really not right about the way you think of yourself or may be with us ourselves only. 
What people, well most of them, do is to just distract them with other things and make the pain less(?).
May be they don't have the courage to just face it outright.
Some wives whose husbands are after other women make themselves busy with their kids. Or may be career? Or something as such.
Some men who've very beautiful wives often doubt them, keep a watch on their every move.
I've met people who're insecure about their language, their colour, their figure, their qualification. Well then tell me who's not insecure??

I really don't find it bad to be insecure. It's not a sin. It takes time for people to accept themselves as they are. But then that insecurity does creep in every time you see someone better that you in that particular aspect. Well the reality might be they too are jealous of you and feel insecure on another aspect or may be even the same (IRONY).

Insecurity is somehow the first step of knowing yourself. You need to know what you are. What makes you bow down your head or feel pathetic about yourself.  It's an intelligent emotion if you take it in it's stride. "yes I feel bad when someone is better than me in one thing that has been my monopoly". That's ok!
I tell you let it trouble you. It's not for any bad. It's just for liberating yourself.
And yes never try and distract yourself, never try and find something that kills your time and lets you to be away from that creepy feeling for some time. It won't help in the long run.

I've just scattered some insights. Didn't have much time to put it in a better way. 
Hope everyone is doing fine.
Love!

On a Good Note.

Hello Friends!

I've been reading a book called "The Song of The Bird" since last few days. It's not a fiction novel neither is it some suspense thriller. It's a set of small stories may be just a paragraph or two each, to let you meditate upon the insight you get through it for may be a whole day.

I would like to share one with you. It is titled "Very Well, Very Well".

A girl in the fishing village became an unwed mother and after several beatings finally revealed who the father of the child was: the Zen Master who meditated all day in the temple outside the village.

The parents of the girl and a large group of villagers marched upon the temple, rudely disturbed the Master's meditation, abused him for his hypocrisy and told him that, since he was the father of the child, he should now bear the burden of bringing it up. All the Master said in reply was, 'Very well. Very well'.

He picked the baby up from the floor, when the crowd had left and made arrangements for a woman from the village to feed and clothe and look after it at his expense.

The Master's name was ruined. No one came to him for instruction any more.

When this had gone on for a whole year, the girl who had borne the child could stand it no longer and finally confessed that she had lied. The father of the child was the boy next door.

The parents and all the villagers were most contrite. They prostrated themselves at the feet of the Master to beg his pardon and to ask for the child back. The Master returned the child. And all he said was, 'Very well. Very well.'

The awakened man!
Losing one's reputation? Not much different from losing that contract one was about to sign in one's dream.
                                                                                                                                   
                                                                                                                              ~Anthony de Mello, S.J

Have a nice day ahead friends.

Cash Depositing Kiosk.

Of what I've seen of human relationships I'd better wish they'd not existed. I suppose that is what many many people around the world think as well.

We all know how pathetic can human relations be. But then that's what I thought till now keep us going.
If we look into the relationships we build in our life time and not the ones we already get when we are born they somehow out number the existing ones.

That uncle at the shop from whom you buy those two packets of milk. Those people who you meet on the road.
In fact I remember two people I used to pass by when I used to go for work. One of them, on the way, daily used to walk past me with two of her friends. And one day suddenly she passed me a smile and since then everyday whenever we walked past each other we smiled. I do not know what connection that was.

The second a girl who seemed to me to be a little mentally slow (challenged) but then everyday she used to be there at the door to wave at me.  To tell you the truth I used to miss her whenever that door was closed.

Train journeys, adding people you meet on train to facebook to keep in touch. Relationships are built in every way.
Today's world is full of online shopping, home delivery, ATMs and cash depositing Kiosks.
Where do we interact?
We rarely interact. We lack in building relationships outside these days. May be that is why we lack in keeping up with the already existing ones.

SAD!!

ps: Inspiration was nothing but the sight of a cash depositing kiosk at a bank.

Inspirational...

Something inspiring I've brought your way today.
.

Two of them I'd like to share of the ones I heard today from two special people I know. Special because it came to me when I most needed it and because it was least expected.

Story 1:

" A man was passing by a house one day, when he saw not a single piece of furniture was there. Surprised, he went inside the house and asked the man he saw there " Sir, may I ask you a thing?" "Yes Of course. Go Ahead" "Sir, I hope you don't mind my asking you this. Why don't you have any furniture at your place? It looks so weird without that here". "You are asking about mine. Where is yours?" "Mine??? I'm just a passer by". "I am the same. I won't stay here forever either".

Story 2:
 "A lot of monkeys were playing on the branches of a tree. Jumping, shouting all sorts of gymnastics going on. Just below the tree there was a river. And amidst all play  and noise and entertainment one of the monkeys fell into the river. Suddenly all there monkeys stopped their play. There was a lull there. All of them carefully watching the monkey as the river took it with her. As soon as they lost sight of the drowning monkey....they turned back and got back to their play ...all the noise, gymnastics jumping  came back to life again"

Life is just passing by..and after we've left the world it matters not much for anyone to keep us alive...

I wish all my days start on this note.

word play ...

Of special moments...
Of being lost and unaware of vicinities...
Of falling ..
Of losing balance...
Of the warmth...
Of melting away...
Weakening your senses....
.......
No words can define...
No words could ever explain...

Whistling away....
imagining violins all over...

What's wrong??....





I'm just playing with words...
I'd  have not confused you so much if I were in my senses...


Love!

One Day...

And one day I shall live my dream. I dream of saying "bulls eye" every time my behaviour, my words, my actions go and hit the exact aimed target at the exact position.

One day!!!

Till then people will keep misunderstanding me.

Amen.

Dreamy Reality...

I was seeing everything..hearing everything...


I was closing my eyes to everything.. I was justifying everything....
I was actually seeing the positive side of everything....

I thought...
I just thought....

I only thought....

An semiconscious reality in me wasn't closing her eye to everything....


Silently saving all anger...all guilt..all hatred..all pain ...

Where art thou dearest serenity...?

Insights in Chaos #3

Slavery is often thought of as humility. Ironically, the vice versa is also true.

Petty Talk :-/

When two women get on to talking what they mostly talk is ' I have a 27 yr old son is your daughter married?

Miss. Hannah Jerusha Lloyd

I do not like kids.
My mum says that "you are very different from the girls of your age".
"You don't seem to like kids. You don't play with them. You don't like to take them in your hand.
Instead you like pets".
Anyway.
A few days ago I met this Hyperactive child. Who I totally fell for.
She's the daughter of one of the teachers who works at the school where I work.
She was in a meeting with the Principal and all of a sudden this little wonder girl came to me ans asked where's my mummy?
I said Mummy will come now. She's in a meeting wait here. She started crying mummy mummy mummy mummy in a rhythm :P
And then someone asked me who she was? I replied she's Daliya mam's daughter and all of a sudden what i hear is this little devil has started shouting "Daliya Daliya Daliya" Daliyaaaaaaaaaa where are you?? "

And everyone standing there started laughing.

She's the only child I've met who calls her mom by her name :P
I've become a big fan of hers lol.
GREAT  FAN :P
Very naughty. would try and tear pull throw everything she sees.
But still very lovable.
Managed to take this pic of her's inspite of her extreme camera consciousness and not wanting me to take the pic. :P
After all I'm the bigger devil ;)

:P :P

Insights in chaos #2

When I started accepting my weaknesses, somewhere down the line I forgot to understand my strengths.

A year Since Rajasthan... 14.6.11

So soon.
So bloody very soon.

Nostalgia has struck me.
A year back this day one of my neighbours in Rajasthan was applying Mehendi on mom and my hands..
The very next day I had to board the train to Kerala(Kannur).
They told me it was like they sent away their wedded daughters to their in-laws' place and so the mehendi....

Now of course it's all washed away.....
The promises made that we'd surely miss you every day. Think of you every day. At least sms.

In the very beginning I was busy struggling to get settled in this place my "HOMETOWN".
And now my job leaves me with very little time to even sms my dearest of the friends.
It's instead they who've still not stopped contacting me calling smsing me.
For me this relocating is still going on.
May be I do not miss Rajasthan as before but then what so ever happens I cannot be as used to Malayalam and the Malayali ways as I was with Rajasthan.
It's been since childhood that I've been there.

I still miss Kadhi Chawal. I do. I very much do. Not that I love Kerala food less but then that's not what I've been used to.

But then Kadhi chawal can be made at home. Though not as tasty as our landlord's wife used to.
That's just a small thing.

Walking longer distances. Climbing hilly roads. Speaking Malayalam for almost 75% of the day.

Every good thing has an end to it.

Attachments aren't bad. But you are forced to move on. Coming to think of it I can always go back to Rajasthan.

I possess a very confused state of mind right now...just like a year back.
I won't type more. My mehendi will go off.
Ending it here.....
Love...

Insights in Solitude #4

It's not forever that you miss someone. You do learn to move on. Life teaches you to accept every bitter thing happily with time.

4th Anniversary....

It's four years today. Four long but wonderful years....


Many relationships many emotions....


A world different from all....


Lovely ...ecstatic ...


everything....


In short.....It's pretty long to be shortened....It'd not be justice either if I try and shorten it:P

Love to all who I've come through in this wonderful journey of blogging ...which I wish goes on and on....

Let it be. Let it be.

My sight is fading.
Things don't appear as clear as they used to.
Let it be. Let it be.
Reality is not all that good.
I love my dreams.
My fantasy world.
Let it be let it be.

Khush hoon mai...

Kuch log hamesha khush nazar aate hain...
socha karti thi mai.
Hothon pe ek badi si muskaan. Gham se koson door
kaise kar paate hai? Socha karti thi mai..

Ehsaas hua lekin ab..
Jinse rishta nahi hota hamara..
Unke ghamon ka bhala kaise abhaas hoga.

Door hote hain jo humse unse bhala kya kahna kya jatana.
Sab accha hai. Hum khush hain.

bEyOnD WoRdS

Do what your heart tells you to do at times... 
It's a kind of happiness beyond explanation...

Being "A" Human....

A helps B......

2 days later....

A: Hey B hw's ya man??
B: Am good man how's yaa???
A: All's well just wanted a favour from you...could you??
B: (thinks Oh because he'd helped me 2 days ago he needs a return of favour now) ummmm... No yaaaa I don't think I'd be able to to much for you in this regard. I think C'd be able to help you more.
A: (ohh...Now that he's got all that he needed from me he doesn't care...) oh!! okiee... never mind. I should have asked C before itself.


Don't I just love to be human?? HA HA HA

uNtItLeD!!

When I was a kid, every time when I did not get something from dad or he scolded me I used to run to mom and when even mom said a no I used to go to my grand mom... and then back to dad all over again...

When I come to think of it it did not end with my childhood...

Even today when someone hurts me I go to someone else for consolation....when that someone hurts me I just come back to the same person all over again...

And at one moment that redeeming moment I get rid of both of them in search of a new vicious circle ....

I do not know whether it happens with everyone...

Heaven....

I want to lay on your lap....
close my eyes....
and then not be aware of where I'm going...
...

To Life...

Life is a little shorter than you think it is.... 

Amidst all your planning for your "Heaven". 

It might just walk away waving a sweet Goodbye to you.... 

Three cheers to the moments we live by....people we meet .... relationships we make along the way.... 

Distraction is Bull Shit!!

You can't get over something until you get into it completely. 

Because on the surface level it's always peaceful... 
And the interior turbulent... 

My everything....

A glimpse of you could give me so much of happiness....

Never knew so....

Should I call you my everything?? 

My dearest littlest tom cat :))

:)

It's pretty strange that men,  in spite of all the logic and reason they talk about when asked why they fell for a certain girl would say "I just don't know. I mean how could I??"

I think that's wonderful!! 

Conversations

" She: It's *****'s marriage card once you see it please sign on the envelope.
He: Why so?
She: Just to make sure that you don't say later that you din't see this card.
He: Oh never this is sucha beautiful card. 
She: So?? 
He: I'd like to have a similar one for my marriage. 
She: GreaT!! 
He: OUR MARRIAGE!! 
She: Keep Dreaming. 
He: If I have the guts to dream I do have the guts to make it true. :) 
She: I like your confidence. 
He: Oh finally you like something in me. 
She: Bye. 
He: Kabhi Alvida na kehna... Aur woh bhi apne hone waale pati se :P 

She: PoDa!! "

Insights in Chaos #1

After darkness it takes hours for light to set in......

Blessed....

However perfect you are there will be someone to criticize that little imperfection of yours....

However imperfect you are there will be someone to fall in love with that little flaw of yours....

I know a person as such..... Do You??

What A Simple World!!

A certain favorite of mine. You can call him a crush or may be someone I admire. 
A TV star.
I was recently going through the wiki profile of his. I am a bit of silly I know. It's pretty silly to try and find out what's going on in the celeb's personal life. But then I did. 


My admiration was surely for the actor he is on screen but then you can't also deny the fact that once you start liking someone on TV you'll surely try to know what kind of a person he or she really is.


This person on screen plays a role of someone who's very honest and loyal to his wife and even ridicules his own son and disowns him for cheating on his wife. 
In reality the same actor's life history says that he's been in a relationship with another woman outside his marriage for months before he legally divorced his wife to marry the "other woman".


My admiration and the respect for that person doesn't remain ... ( I am like that) Judging Types!!! :-/
 
It might sound silly to discuss such a thing. After all divorces are not considered as wrong. Once you can't live with a person you just need to get separated.

As Simple As That??

Yaaah Right.

Friendship....

*friendship* is always no strings attached....

and always more satisfying than a one night stand....

When Marriage is on Cards...

'He wants to see me in Saree. I'l take a pic and send him'.
'His favourite dish is what I'm learning to cook these days'.
'When he calls I purposely don't pick up.
I don't want him to get bored of me'.



One of my colleagues is getting married
next month.
Happy for her.

Just in awe with the amount of thought a woman can put in for a man she's going to be married to.

The 'I' in Everything..

Everyone's good.
Everyone's nice.
The one's we hate are loved by others.
Its how we recieve them.
Its what we do that matters.
Just like hormones...
Produced in plenty... Recepted in tiny bits.

Receptors ahh receptors.

Growing Selfish...

All my sorrows are just mine. Closer to me than anyone else.
I wouldn't give them away to anyone.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The anger in which you feel like punching someone's face needs to be preserved....channelized... and finally used for the same purpose but in a harder...stronger and dignified way!!

Ironically I am posting this on a Good Friday. 

I am but just a human after all.

Insights in Solitude #3

Old has to make a way for the new.

Old might be Gold. But Silver at times is more elegant and fresh ....

Like a Warm cup of ginger tea in rainy weather....

Bliss...

....... New would grow old one day......

That little time ... those moments ... that specified period...when you rule(d) ... is the most valuable...

to be kept close to heart....to be preserved..till death.

A Wish... I Wish...

Wish I could hug myself tight and tell myself how much I love her.
How precious she is for me.
How without her life would be utterly meaningless.

Insights in Solitude #2

Its about being filthy rich and then saying money ain't everything.

Insights in Solitude #1

At times when people mention that they're glad to have met you and have you in their lives you might wonder what so great did you do?

Just an insight:

May be you might not have done anythng so great.
Its just their greatness
to have with all your flaws thought so good about you.

Life is (beautiful) Like that part unknown VI

Leave ur parents', the society's or anybody else's rules, decisions you are forced to follow. Its won't be wrong to say that sometimes you're forced to stick on to your own decisions which you no longer find that old satisfaction in. SIGH!
Free yourself!!

Life is (beautiful) Like That Part Unknown V

The moment you don't speak out ....don't mention that you felt bad about something you are actually adding up to your sadness.

Instead it's better that the ball be in someone else's court always. 

It's better to handle things at that particular moment than procrastinating it to process and decide later.

Life is (beautiful) like that part unknown IV

"Life would be so much better if we could just look upon things that we come across in our day to day life, with a sense of wonder and awe. And not just realize its worth only when it's gone".

 ~* Someone I admire...

Happy Valentine's Day ..... Zara hatke :P

So here I come with another silly stuff :P

And today what I am going to talk about is the "SINS" people commit in a relationship. Ok not the real sins please :P

Lets start with what men do I've got 2 of them . So here I go...

But but but before I start Lemme tell you this is not my own creation. I mean how could I write wrong things about girls :P  So I had Mr Brajmohan Kumar to contribute ;)

1. They promise their woman things toooooooo bloody unimaginable. Like "Mei tumhare liye chand taare tod ke laa sakta hoon....Mei tumhare liye apni jaan tak de sakta hoon..."  Excuse me ...2 meteors and a ring around Saturn as well. Plz

2. Too many compliments. You are so pretty ..your feet are soo wow. Your eyes I could drown in them. you nose... awwww ...You xyz abc ...The ugliest of the women starts thinking of herself as a beauty queen. Ek baar compliments ki aadat pad gayi na hame toh phir tumhe khuda bhi nahi bachaa sakta.

Now women... I've (NOT I) :p many of them yet I'll write two :P I am sure the men who comment would add to it ;)

1. Pretense. I Don't care. Whatever you do. Go flirt with other girls. Go sleep with them(zyada ho gaya :P)  Well never believe her. She is hurt, and that's why saying all this.

2. Showing too much of care: When your girl starts talking like, "oh mera babu, subah se kuchh nahi khaya" types; believe me, she is just showing off". May be she would not even care to ask you for the morning tea.

           
Nevertheless ... Happy Valentine's Day ;)

It's been rather beautiful...

It's been a week I am trying to look at only the positives of my life....

It's been a happy one

It's been a lot of giving...

A lot of getting...

Its been a lot of letting go ...

It's been the courage to allow to the sand to just slip off my hands...

It's been calmness...serenity...

It's been loud and noisy...

It's been a bit teary for the unfortunate...

It's been smiling for the happy ...

It's been ...."every sad moment can be turned into happiness"

It's been awesomeness of violin and other music....

It's been a total change of perspective....

It's been trying not to do certain things which make me feel dull...

It's been God all along the way...

It's been closing my eyes and looking up to the heavens...at times of distress...

It's been spreading arms wide to the sun's immense blessings...

It's been rather beautiful...

It's been very beautiful...

ps: currently taken up by.....



pps: Heartfelt prayers for Yuvraaj Singh!!

A fond memory ...

Yeaaahhhh that li'l girl is moi :P
Mum left me over there :P to wake dad up as usual ...if you people don't quite remember let me remind  you with this LINK ;) that it used to be my job to wake dad up when I was a li'l girl ;)
My mum just put me over there and I don't know what happened that when mum clicked I happened to see her take that pic and posed this way ;) :P
I simply love this pic ....
The most beautiful part about this is that I have all these wonderful pics that are going to be there with me forever.

ps: I would like you people also to come up with such fond memories :)
pps: have been trying to post since a week ...couldn't manage to ...so just while browsing through some of my childhood pics thought of posting this.